If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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