I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
