Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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