Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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