So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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