I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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