i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
