I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
