i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
