youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
