I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
