We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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