i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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