He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My balls are so social today.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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