ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
