I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
