I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
