So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
