Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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