:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
