yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
