Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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