i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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