Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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