C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
thus making me awesome and them whores
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
