I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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