one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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