Kiss
Puke
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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