I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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