i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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