FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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