oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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