Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
