It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
