U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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