i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
