I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
