I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
