Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
