He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
