i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
