Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
