this beer tastes like vomit already
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
