Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
