I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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