You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Come on in and take your pants off
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