i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
