I think I died a long time ago.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
