Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
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He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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