she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
