Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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