Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
