can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
