he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
