I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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