my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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