a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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