she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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